DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
