There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
