I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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