still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
