Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
