we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's never too late to be topless.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
