He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
