Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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