So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm jealous of your bromance
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
