He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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