Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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