it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
