my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Boobs are out for the taking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
