I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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