iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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