you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
