I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
