You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
