I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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