I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
