dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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