At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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