I'm sorry my penis didn't work
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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