Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
