I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
