So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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