Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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