That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
