don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
