I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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