I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
