The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She said her name was "party"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
