I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
