In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just threw up on my dentist
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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