Someone shit on the floor
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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