Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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