Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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