Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
two words...techno handjob
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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