Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
