Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
