It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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