I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
