Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
