on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
