did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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