sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
