i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
50% drunk capacity currently
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
