lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
