The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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