Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
