i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
