M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
