This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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