I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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