I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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