Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize