I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
