Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
