How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
