UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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