Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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