My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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