I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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