so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
