He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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