who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
