Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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