Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
