I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
sarcasm needs its own font
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
