We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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