He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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