she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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