I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
