yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
