sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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