dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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